$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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