On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize