Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
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The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
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Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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