Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
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I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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