Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize