are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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