I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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