just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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