How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
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You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
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He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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