he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize