How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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