I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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