I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize