I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize