is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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