all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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