Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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