last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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