If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize