Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
And then he peed in my hair
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize