She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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