What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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