Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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