Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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