My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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