i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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