I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
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But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We need a shit load of segways right now
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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