how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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