Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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