I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
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i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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