Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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