She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's blow job season.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize