There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize