my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
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