dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
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my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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