I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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