the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
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You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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