no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
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PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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