If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
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To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
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I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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