I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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