We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
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Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
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Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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