i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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