I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
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If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
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You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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