I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize