If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize