Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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