I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
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He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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