Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
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We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
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I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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