She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
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He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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