I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
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just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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